Palpable Emotions

Windows are wide open, it’s hot summer night, although you can hear the stormy wind developing into rain and maybe even thunder. Just like your messy feelings are culminating into restlessness, the heath with a hint of icy wind is becoming something bigger and stronger. You don’t want to go to sleep, you are too tired to stay awake. Every noise coming from your neighbours, flatmates or nature is pushing your awareness of reality further and further into total chaos, because everything seems to be dangerous and the space that surrounds you seems to be haunted. Haunted by what? Why are you suddenly so afraid of life? Even lying in your own bed is a tricky task – you cannot trust yourself alone with yourself because you are creating the haunted dimension around you and keeping it alive with your own dirty thoughts. Dirty thoughts of you being alone, not enough, fat, embarrassed, bad person, too emotional, too critical, stupid. All of them are a part of the weak self, which comes alive only when emotionally and physically too tired.

It’s 22:22, time to make a wish.

Best advice: let the sleep cure you.

The House of Red Doors

Waking up at 10AM slowly and with a suffer because of the pain of saying Good Bye to the life I had in my dreams. Question “Where am I?” pops up to my mind every morning and it scares me, because I am afraid it has a deeper cause which is related to my E-self. Has the lifestyle corrupted my mind and now slowly taking over my understanding of the Real? — After the morning evaluation on the topic “Am I crazy?” I grabbed my phone, started to read Wall Street Journal from their amazing app, got some information about the Donald Trump Jr vs Russia scandal but missed information about truly important life – real life around me. Namely, Katja’s Facebook picture popped up on my screen but I ignored it, believing that WSJ has so much more useful facts that will help me to grow as a person. I was wrong. After world-facts I went to see what Katja has to say to me and there it was… the most beautiful information sent an hour ago.

She won 2 tickets to Apokalipstick in Renate club and just saw the e-mail. By the time I was ready to answer her that yes! let’s go! she was already there. I washed myself, put on my basic-rave-outfit, ate chia seed pudding, put cherries into my purse and hopped on my bike. Got in an hour before closing, found Katja right away in her national habitat – dance floor -, we talked & danced and felt very well of our decision to make this couple of hour morning party happen.

The euphoric feeling that rushes into your soul the second you walk into a party gives you the boost you need to have the strenght to become one of the animals in the madhouse. You passionately only see the beauty in everything: in every fallen angel, in all the dirt, in the starvation in people’s eyes. All this is the cause of the feeling that the world is actually wonderful. Everything and everyone that you see there, belongs to there. Even if it would be unacceptable and ugly outside the walls of the club, it is aesthetically perfect inside the walls. 


Colours of the Nature

It’s so easy to fall in love with eating clean and fresh food. And yet it’s also so easy to fall off the train to more healthy lifestyle. The more effort is put into preparing and cooking, the enjoyable is to taste the results as well.

Only way to be sure you are eating less sugar and other unnecessary additives is to make as much as possible yourself. Berlin’s Turkish market offered a wide selection of fresh vegetables and fruits with a very fair price! The more you buy, the cheaper it is, therefore it is so easy to end up with loads of different foods – what to do with all of the fresh stuff if you know you cannot eat it all before they’ll become inedible? DIY

Plum Jam 2017

Sounds like a new hipster indie festival, but actually is just a yummy sour plum jam which will be perfect for the future chia puddings.

Frozen Parsley

I have discovered that I have a huge crush on fresh parsley. I have added it to all of my sandwiches, tortillas and vegan souces. I believe he is the one. Chopped most of it up and put into the freezer.

Parsley and plum jam

The Fear of Death

You believe you have what it takes. Finally you have created a persona who is powerful enough to stand up straight and against the tought world. You wake up with a smile because you have succeeded in some fields, you are happy with yourself and you know your value. You are strong. Until Nature shows what is the truth. The truth that you are a small little insect that can be washed off from the life (that you are trying to take as seriously as possible) in a second.

Thunderstorms. The moment sky starts to mumble in it’s own languange, you understand that Nature is alive. The mumbling develops into sharp earlocking bangs. Your heart skips a beat because body believes it’s time to die. Choking feeling of unawarness: what’s gonna happen next?! Chicken skin on your body tells you that even a noise of Nature can scare you. What will happen if Nature starts to act accordingly as well?